The Gang Goes to Mainland Europe 🚆

Entries from the Interrailing BeLemon 🍋 page.

22nd June 2023

We are officially homeward bound. Yesterday was a travel day, and a chaotic one at that: between missed trains, trains that didn't exist, and trains with seats that didn't exist, it was, by all accounts, a disaster. But it didn't always feel like one. Ben's been brilliant. When we're without direction (literally) he is level-headed and takes the lead. James, too, has steered us onto the right path (platform) many times, and no bag is too heavy for him, especially the ones that are for me. There were lots of moments that I thought might make anyone else snap or even cry, but we laughed and sang our way through yesterday and even when we were exhausted we still had the energy to sing songs and ridicule the general public around us. Ben sorted us a hotel in Cologne as we got stranded there, which means our Brussels hostel has been left utterly untouched for the two nights we booked it for (on the plus side, there's no way James isn't getting his €150 security deposit back) The room we were given wasn't the one we'd booked but we were so tired we bullied James into trying to beg us a new onedealt with it like grownups and cuddled up on the same bed to watch German kids' TV. After three weeks of single beds (sometimes three at a time) it felt like meagre reparations to allow Ben the double bed this time; James and I squeezed together on the same sofa bed. Luckily we were so tired it didn't matter too much, and Ben made the most of his newfound luxury (not - he takes up like 1/6 of the bed, and the rest of it looked completely untouched by morning. Either he's very used to sleeping on a knife edge at this point or he wanted James and I to know our sofa-bed-induced suffering was, indeed, in vain) We woke up at sparrow's fart in the morning to catch an early train into Brussels, where we had a waffle each and Ben and I flirted with the possibility of getting Belgian ASBO equivalents. Ben's just kicked me. He's a dick. Getting on the Eurostar now. Real life beckons but Venice Butlins is forever. - libby
We’re currently in Brussels waiting for our Eurostar train back to London. We ended up staying in Cologne last night as the trains got cancelled/mixed up. We spent the majority of yesterday on trains so nothing much really to report.

Unfortunately the McDonald’s was a mile from the station so we just had waffles for breakfast. We move! - Ben

Germany efficiency is a lie. In other news, we got to see a cathedral at Cologne which was very gothic. This morning we had an early start to get to Brussels on time for the Eurostar, and got to try Belgian waffles which are very yum. Speaking of waffle I could go on about how the German trains fucked us over but I’ll spare you. Sad to be leaving Europe :( - James

21st June 2023

Libby broke HeyLemon with that novella. Being the genius I am, I fixed the code on my phone and pushed up a fix 😏😏😏😏🫡 - Ben
I forgot to mention yesterday that there's a Primark situated very close to the hostel in Leipzig, which meant I kickstarted the day with some brand new socks. Brand new socks are reason to celebrate anyway, but when you've encountered a single washing machine in three weeks and averaged around 10km a day during that time, socks are nothing short of miraculous. I'm wiggling my toes very joyously as I write this. Upon arriving at Berlin, we headed straight to the Reichstag. Weary as we were it was hard not to be impressed and unnerved by its significance. Maybe I'm influenced by what I know about it, but its grandeur seemed a little more imposing than that of the other historical buildings we've visited on this trip. There was a Special Olympics cycling race taking place in Berlin yesterday, so we navigated the streets around that and happened across a few relics on the way; memorials, a gated park, and several currywurst vendors which none of us had the stomach or inclination to try. Next was the Memorial To The Murdered Jews of Europe, designed by architect Peter Eisenman who, upon some further reading, is incredibly interesting. The memorial consists of 2,711 slabs of concrete: stelae, or in singular form, stele. The terms are derived from the Latin word stela, referring to a post that is generally taller than it is wide. This is not strictly accurate in terms of the Memorial - the slabs, though all roughly the same width and length, differed in height. They undulate with the rolling land beneath it, and form lots of pathways which, though straight, are disorientating and overwhelming - a sense that Eisenman intended to represent the oppressive displacement felt by the Jews. It's a really controversial landmark, apparently; many people criticise it for its impersonal refusal to include engravings of any sort. Unlike most memorials, each stele is nameless and unannotated. Others feel this lends itself to capturing the vastness and ruthlessness of the genocide (myself included) Many people used the blocks - the shorter ones, anyway - as benches and picnic tables which seemed disrespectful at first. On the other hand, it suggests that the Memorial - which, like Eisenman's other designs, contrasts with and seems disconnected from the city around it - has become a place that Berlin and its citizens actively engage with, and suggests that the history of the structure remains present, despite the temptation to bury it and pretend it never happened. I was also really interested to learn that Eisenman was really against the anti-graffiti coating that protects all of the stelae: "If a swastika is painted on it, it is a reflection of how people feel... What can I say?" There's so much more I want to write about the Memorial and Eisenman but I'll leave it for another time; Ben and James have long since finished their breakfasts and they'll be royally pissed off if they find out I've only just finished writing about the second major landmark we saw yesterday. I do want to get a book on Peter Eisenman soon. Next up was a slight change of tone - the Mall of Berlin! Having already indulged in new socks I steadfastly refused to step foot in any clothes shops, but did have a really fun time exploring the food court. James had a poke bowl which perked him up significantly and staved off the scurvy for at least another day, and Ben had a curry which is especially impressive given the kebab he had for breakfast. I felt a bit ill still at this point so I researched hostels whilst the boys did boy stuff (the Tesla showroom, a helter skelter, etc) and then I met them at the Lego Store, where we made teeny tiny little figures of ourselves, Harry, Tess and Kiya. Armed with our mini doppelgängers and some overpriced souvenirs, we headed to Checkpoint Charlie, where James spent a long time reading about the war from a posterboard wall and Ben delighted in informing him that all that information was readily available on Google. I was interested in the image of the soldier up above the American section checkpoint - his name is Jeff Harper and he's still alive today, which is really cool. Also cool was Charlie's Beach, a manmade beer garden complete with sand, deckchairs and hiphop rap music. Here we discussed various musical Bobs (Dylan and Marley) and came to the temporary conclusion that we were completely and utterly fucked because the Eurostar was sold out and we'd not booked it yet. After a lot of chaotic back and forth (we considered buses, planes and swimming) we realised we'd have to come back home a day early, a prospect that reduced Ben to tears. I think he's imprinted on us somewhat, and we'll have to carefully wean him off of the 24/7 access to us that he's so enjoyed for the past three weeks. We had a funny little trudge back to the station, karaoke-ing and lamenting our financial ruin in equal measure, and then sourced some dinner (a German hotdog - gross) and settled on a bench to wait for the 10.28pm train back to Leipzig. Whilst we hunted for food, Ben and I made a joke about a suspicious package, which actually ended up being true. We were told by police not to enter an entire length of floor at the station, and soon after it was cordoned off completely with officers stationed at either end, guarding a bench with a black backpack on it. Whilst we inhaled our dinner, we watched as more officers arrived, and a sniffer dog, and then James was casually racist and then we got the all-clear. I'm just glad I had a chance to eat my croissant, because if I'd died with the taste of German hotdog in my mouth I'd have reached the afterlife in a terrible grump and demanded a do-over. Nevertheless, we got the train on time and arrived back at the hostel by midnight-ish, then Ben karate-d me, and then it was time for bed. I'd like to be self-indulgent and write a bit more about feelings and stuff but I think I'll save it for when Ben isn't in karate-chopping distance. Brussels today, albeit fleetingly! - libby
P.S. There was a suspicious package / bomb threat at the train station with police taping off an area and sniffer dogs; and like two minuets after this all kicked off, a Middle Eastern man in full camo army gear and a turban with a massive bushy beard started walking purposefully towards Ben and Libby. I shat myself a little but he just walked past. Bit of a weird coincidence tho. I now feel slightly racist. - James
Yesterday we went to Berlin. Berlin is the most modern city we’ve been too, the buildings are very brutalist and efficient. I understand why they love techno so much, it’s very fitting. We walked around the city and saw the Reichstag, the Brandenburg Gate, the Jewish war memorial and Checkpoint Charlie which was all pretty harrowing stuff. We couldn’t actually get near the Reichstag due to building works and the Brandenburg gate too due to a Paralympic cycle race, all the roads were fenced off. To lighten the mood a little we visited Berlin Mall, a huge shopping centre with four floors and a fantastic food court. Ben and i went down a helter-skelter and visited the Tesla showroom, then the three of us made the gang as mini figurines in the lego store. We’ve had a bit of a cock up with the Eurostar so now we’re heading to Belgium for one final night before heading back home tomorrow :( - James
Yesterday we went into Berlin. We saw Hitler’s castle, a Tesla show room and went down a slide! We also went to Checkpoint Charlie and Brandon🍔gate.

There was a bomb threat at the train station in Berlin which was exciting. They brought out the sniffer dog to inspect a bag that was left. If it had gone off, it might have given them a chance to rebuild a station with an interior that looked identical to the Death Star - ironic given the location.

Also, lot of the buildings in Berlin looked relatively new.

We’ve just checked out of the Leipzig hostel and will be heading to Brussels next! We were going to go to Amsterdam however James being the Brexiteer he is, wanted to throw some eggs at the European Parliament. - Ben

20th June 2023

Yesterday we arrived in Leipzig, which is a beautiful little corner of Germany about an hour's train journey from Berlin. Our hostel is my favourite so far; we were upgraded and the room is spacious, has a balcony, a double bed, and a separate room for Ben and his belongings. I suspect it's a bit of a jump for him to go from having three beds to two, but he's adjusting well. After a much-needed freshen up, we headed downstairs to the bar, and spent a while nursing our drinks and people-watching an American tourist and German native inch progressively closer to each other from opposite ends of a very long table. After a while, a man approached us asking for a lighter - that old chestnut! His name was George, and he sounded like a total pillock, but the vodka lemonades warmed up our social batteries and we ended up having a really nice time chatting with him. Ben was on top form (George: "I play trumpet", Ben: "Someone has to.") and I graced our new friend with my acoustic trombone impression. I serendipitously found a guitar and a bongo drum in the common area whilst trying to locate a toilet, so George invited us to meet up again this evening to jam and meet his friends, George 2 and Fergyle. Not so sure I have it in me but we'll see. I woke up this morning feeling really rough (assuredly NOT on account of the three drinks I had last night) and the train into Berlin made matters worse; James and I couldn't find a seat for love nor money, so we spent an hour sat on the floor taking it in turns to nap on the other. Ben's laxative dosage recommendation has also not aided my comfort today. That's what you get for taking medical advice from the man who had yet another kebab today, for BREAKFAST. - libby
Yesterday we travelled across Germany to our hostel in Leipzig just outside Berlin. The hostel is actually super nice, we have a massive room and a balcony and downstairs is a social area. After our day of travelling we decided to have a quick drink at the hostel bar and made friends with the most South-West-London man ever. His dog is called Minnie with an ie and he goes to uni in Sheffield. Nice guy tho. Today after a late start we’re going to get the train into central Berlin - James
Yesterday was mainly a train day. We’re now in Leipzig. The hostel is very nice! After chilling out for a bit we went downstairs to the bar for a drink. We’re going into Berlin shortly. Not seen any Nazis yet. - Ben

19th June 2023

The general theme of interrailing since yesterday's entry has been ✨conflict✨. That is, after arriving in Prague, the boys shelled out (pun intended) to go shoot some machine guns. Ben found a perfectly reputable cash-in-hand, family-run firing range, so we bundled ourselves into the white van they sent for us and journeyed a good half-hour outside of the city. We arrived at the facility, which had all the gentle cheer of an abattoir, and as the boys readied themselves I vehemently refused all offers of participation - even the use of 'the kids' gun', a notion so obscene we had to laugh. James especially enjoyed the shooting - which was very loud - so I'll save the full extent of my criticism for another time, but the whole thing made me feel a little bit icky. The A2 sheets of paper that Ben and James were aiming at made excellent makeshift swords, though, so the undercurrent of manmade violence continued well after we were dropped back off in Prague and found ourselves in a beautiful park overlooking the Vltava River. I decapitated James several times. Next, us weary foot-soldiers went on the search for sustenance; inkeeping with the medieval theme, we feasted on hunks of pork which were so large and reminiscent of the animal it was hacked from that Ben couldn't finish it, and I waffled on about the horse-drawn carriages that trundled by at regular intervals (much to the boys' indifference at best, irritation at worst) In my defence, one carriage was drawn by a gorgeous pair of Knabstruppers, and you don't see that every day. We then had our fill of chimney cakes (if such a thing exists) and we hopped back on the Metro home (which we haven't paid for once since entering the Czech Republic) Yesterday, on the walk from the hotel to the station, we spotted a young roe deer; this morning we've checked out of the hotel and ventured into the forests in search of more wildlife. I write this perched on a tree-stump. Ben is hitting trees with a stick, and James is making a shelter out of the sticks Ben hasn't hit at trees. We had a little sword-fighting contest, which is a lesser continuation of this morning's conflict; the turf wars between Ben's three-bedded-room and mine and James' chambers reached a climactic head, with Ben laying booby-traps and me armed with water bottles, a dustbin shield and a headband made of toilet roll. Also James defended my honour at McDonalds yesterday (worst McDonalds so far by the way) when we thought I'd been scammed out of some banana bread (I hadn't - we ended up with morally-grey free banana bread) I like Prague, and would stay a couple more nights if possible. War is bad. - libby
Yesterday we found a website that said they’d pick us up and let us shoot some guns. On the contact form there was a field which asked what our hopes, dreams and desires were. I put to leave as men, for the lolz. This was a mistake!

We got picked up in the centre of Prague by a man who resembled the night bus driver in Harry Potter 3. He also drove like the night bus driver from Harry Potter 3. It did feel like we’d maybe arranged our own kidnapping. However once we got there it did look pretty legit.

Before we went in, the night bus driver tried to convince Libby to have a go by saying they had a gun for women and also a kids gun.

We shot a glok (my favourite) and an AK-47. These were both fun, and I did ok. Because I put the thing about leaving as men on the contact form they also made me shoot a big pump action one which they all found funny. I think if it was a hostage situation I would have killed the kidnapper. As well as the hostages, but would just balance out I guess.

James and I have both signed up to the NRA. - Ben

Me and Ben became men yesterday. We boarded a suspicious minibus to a shooting range outside of town were two burly Tattooed men welcomed us to a ‘free country’, we got to fire a standard issue Austrian Glock and an AK47. Ben made a comment about being a real man and so the guy gifted him a special present - one shot on the most powerful short barrel shotgun they had. It destroyed half the target. Libby was not impressed at our new found testosterone fuelling hobby. In other news we saw Prague properly, took a walk through the city to see some of the architecture (gothic churches, ornate wooden doors, buildings with carved decor and a massive bridge). We got some spit pork roast sandwiches and more chimney cake. Today we’re taking a walk in the forest outside the hotel which I am enjoying a lot - we have built a wigwam and had a sword fight with sticks. Ben seems intent on burning the forest to the ground. Going to go finish the wigwam now - James

18th June 2023

The aftermath of yesterday's BeLemon saw the group's swift descent into genuine insanity. I am not in a position to comment further at this time. Upon arrival in Prague we went to a Burger King where Ben's insidious mind games continued, though I did have a very good burger, and then we set off for the hotel which might as well be positioned at the top of Mount Doom for all the horror the journey there inspired. Google Maps took us through several fields and a completely dark forest, which, thanks to a rain shower, was quite literally teeming underfoot with probably every single frog currently inhabiting the Czech Republic. Ben was scared of the frogs. I stopped to watch some snails too, they're massive here and look paler and more kindly somehow. The hotel is surprisingly lavish considering our budget, and we were even pleasantly surprised with an extra adjoining room, which triggered a primitive, territorial response from Ben. Ben is currently in possession of a whole room with a TV and three beds. James and I have the spare bedroom, but it's very comfy. Breakfast was a distaster. Today I'd like to see something cultural, have a poo, and source a chimney cake which - joy of joys - the Czech Republic are also famous for. - libby
It’s not just another day, it’s another day to excel. Which is why we haven’t left the hotel yet and we’re still playing chess. However we’re about to leave in a moment to go and shoot some guns hopefully.

I have scored yet another one of the best places we’ve stayed at so far. We did have to walk through a field and about 40 frogs to get here however it was right next to the metro. Someone on the metro kept staring at me and twitching he hand. He did look a bit stabby. So when leaving the train I made sure to keep Libby in front of me as a stab-buffer.

Last night we watched the Hangover 3 in Czech and then later I retired to my three single beds. - Ben

Yesterday was a travel day; Czechia has some very beautiful hills and forests. We had to walk through one such forest to get to the hotel and the others shit themselves. The hotel is like a country retreat on the outskirts of Prague which is very cool! Although the interior decor reminds me of HBO’s Chernobyl. Today we’ll be going into Prague properly - James

17th June 2023

My entry deleted itself so here’s a summary •we went to a castle •there was a good view and it had a cool roof •we got chimney cakes which were fucking scrumptious •we spent a lot of time in the hotel watching queer eye •we got kebabs •we are now on the train to Prague - James
Yesterday we all took the opportunity for R&R granted to us by James' parents very seriously: James had his hair done, Ben introduced us to the world of Queer Eye and I remained in pyjamas until 1pm, at which point we decided that we might as well visit the Fisherman's Bastion if only so we'd have something to write about today. On the way, the boys stopped off for a kebab - Hungary has turned Ben into a bit of an addict, forever chasing the high of the Party Boat Kebab - and we all had a slice of baklava, which was really very yum. We set off with a renewed vigour which lasted approximately twelve minutes, or however long it took us to reach the main bridge over the river and realise it was completely closed. Our new route added an extra half an hour to the journey, which was made all the more arduous by James' irritatable bowels; luckily, with rolling forested hills to our left and Budapest's skyline silhouetted against the (somewhat stormy) sky on our right, the walk was a beautiful one with much to look at. In an attempt to see just how much anguish Ben can endure before cracking, James and I also spent some time practising our acapella version of Beyond The Sea. Initial observations at the Bastion included the world's most unpleasant old lady in the toilets (though to be fair her shift unfortunately coincided with James' evacuation of the lumpy blue cheese sauce); a gorgeous Komondor dog, only the second I've seen in real life; and, of course, the Bastion itself was gorgeous, a real fairy-tale-esque castle of white stone and ornate carvings. Naturally, we headed straight to a cocktail bar immediately upon arrival. Ben and I had Cosmopolitans, and James was sufficiently inebriated with the castle's mosaic tiled roof. Ben is a seasoned Buda-pest at this point and had already been to this castle, so he curled up on a carved ledge with his book like Rapunzel whilst James and I went for an explore. The view from the Bastion was incredible: the stone steps gave way to the entirety of Budapest, sprawling across the horizon like a patchwork blanket. According to James and his 20/20 vision, anyway - to me it looked like lots of paint swatches of greys and blues and browns at B&Q but it was beautiful nonetheless. Less beautiful was the massive, modern building complex set right in the middle of the Bastion's courtyard; it completely overshadowed the church, and whilst I'm sure that the original architect, Frigyes Schulek, would be delighted to discover his pioneering work now boasts a Starbucks, James was certainly not. In an act of defiance, he then went on to steal two chimney cakes from a stall underneath said modern building (not really - his card didn't work the first time and we obliviously walked away before being called back). If Hungary has ignited Ben's passionate affair with kebabs, then I, too, have taken an edible lover this trip: chimney cakes. I could have eaten ten. Buttery, warm, soft, slightly lemon-y pastry dusted in cocoa and sugar and cinnamonohmygodohmygodwhenIdieburymeinahumansizedchimneycakethankyouverymuch. Having immersed ourselves in sufficient culture for the day, the three of us traipsed back home (the Bastion was indeed beautiful but that apartment, with its insane water pressure and effective aircon and double beds, remains my favourite example of architecture in Budapest) to watch more Queer Eye. We had an early night and an earlier morning (James is apparently not on board with my system of multiple alarm clocks in the morning) and left our haven in search of Prague! Which took longer than anticipated due to some sort of mix-up with the trains and involved a final pitstop at Ben's beloved kebab shop. I also went on a side quest to procure a final chimney cake or two, and indeed found three stalls. None of them accepted card payments, however, and so, though Prague awaits us (albeit in a million hours' time) I find myself on the train mourning both the apartment and chimney cakes we've left behind. - libby
I’m not saying that I understand what it’s like to feel the effects of racism (I am more tanned now), however a very angry Hungarian ticket person made us move from our seats as our pass didn’t cover 1st class although we had reserved them. Easy mistake to make, but clearly not in the eyes of mr Angry. I suspect he didn’t get enough Hungarian hugs as a child :(

So we’ve now moved down into scum class. Which to be fair, isn’t a whole lot different. I’ve got nothing else funny to say now. Like Ian Beale - I’ve got nothing left. - Ben

16th June 2023

I spent yesterday in the shadow of Party Boat Gate - that is, the unlimited free drinks available upon said party boat. So, whilst the boys went off on their spa day - I was in no fit state to marinate in other people's hot sweat - I figured I'd have some girly time of my own. There's a farmer's market not far from the hostel, so I set off in that direction armed with headphones and my Bindle On A Dirt Road playlist. It was set in a little square, and whilst there weren't many vendors open, the park next door boasted a little stage where local children were putting on some sort of show. I found a bench and watched for a while - it was very, very cute - but decided to skip the encore in favour of some lunch. On my way I found another bench (my stamina depleted by significant amounts of vodka the night before, I ended up doing a sort of bench tour of Budapest) where I whipped out my crossword book and occupied myself doing that for a while. After lunch (chicken salad and an icecream) I meandered back to the hostel to receive the boys, who had, apparently, spent the last few hours wallowing in both diluted piss and the story of some Mancunian's music career, which was also, by the sounds of it, quite pissy. I still felt like I'd been hit by a bus and the boys, though they were positively glowing from the baths, were also knackered (James especially, he actually fell asleep at McDonalds) which made our relocation to a whole apartment for the next two nights all the more cause for celebration. Courtesy of James' parents (thank you!!!!!!) we've been granted a reprieve from the hostels/slums/prison camps and find ourselves equipped with not only two bedrooms, but a kitchen, a living room, a TV with Netflix (happy Libby happy life as they say) and a balcony! For dinner, James and I foraged and returned home with chicken wings and a lumpy blue cheese sauce (yuck) and possibly one of the best non-James-made wraps I've ever eaten. We watched White Chicks at Ben's insistence then retired to bed, where I had the best night's sleep of the entire trip so far. We woke up late, ordered in breakfast, and then I tackled James' hair for two hours whilst we watched Queer Eye and Black Mirror. Remind me to never buy a cockapoo, as it seems I've already accidentally acquired one. On the plus side, James' hair is as pretty as ever and my hands are very soft from being slathered in conditioner for hours. Today we're set to visit a castle, and I'm looking forward to gauging how spectacular the details are purely from James' facial expressions. The boys want to shoot some machine guns at some point, too, though I'm not as keen and suspect they're just trying to balance the scales after their girly spa date yesterday. - libby
P.S Libby has combed the matted dreadlocks out of my hair which was fucking painful but needed so thank you libby - James
Yesterday afternoon ben and I visited the main big main bathhouse. It was very hot and my pores now feel amazing I think. There was a sauna, multiple pools indoors and out with different depths and temperatures, fountains, underwater jets and a circle that had a current. On the way we discovered the source of the banging noise we’d been hearing in the night - some burly Hungarian men throwing bricks into a skip right outside our hostel. No clue why they were doing it at midnight. Luckily we wouldn’t have to put up with it in the evening thanks to mum and dad being very generous <3 we moved to a much nicer hotel with a balcony!! We’ve been chilling with the big tv today and ordered in a fantastic breakfast. This afternoon we’ll be heading to the fisherman’s bastion which is a great opportunity for me to piss the others off by spending far too long looking at everything. - James
Yesterday James and I went to the baths which were very cool! They did smell very strongly of piss inside, but nevertheless very interesting and relaxing. When we got back we found out that Mr and Mrs James booked a v nice apartment for us for a couple of nights which we are very grateful for (thank you!!). It’s nice to have some water pressure for a change.

This morning we have just been chilling out. Taking inspiration from Queer Eye, Libby has been sorting out James’ hair. We are off for a walk now to see the fisherman’s bastion in the hills. - Ben

15th June 2023

Yesterday we went on a boat party. We met many people. Some French, some German, some IRA. We then travelled from the boat to a club via party bus. It was wild.

Thankfully England invented music so it was non stop bangers all night in Morrisons (the club). I ended the night with a fantastic kebab. It was maybe the best thing I’ve ever eaten.

My head is hurting now, but we’re off to some baths soon to relax. I’m getting used to our current prisoner of war camp and it’s quirks. - Ben

Yesterday we chilled in a park and later went to a cat cafe/museum which was v cute. In the evening we had a few drinks over chess and then headed to a party boat which toured one of the four rivers that run through Budapest, seeing the city on the river banks lit up at night was a sight to behold, definitely the best way to see it. This morning while Ben and Libby nursed their hangovers I went on an aimless walk to see what I could find, and happened upon a boulevard with several major embassies, including the Russian one which had a couple of soldiers with machine guns. At one point a bunch of armoured trucks went past with police and sirens which was a little worrying but hopefully unrelated. At the end of this road was a huge monument surrounded by a circle of statues, all fenced in by ornate buildings and with the backdrop of a serene park. The park was also home to a small sort of summer palace and a proper castle with a moat! All in all fantastic walk. At this point I’d been out for three hours and my phone was about to die so I headed home, to find Ben and Libby still lounging in bed. They’re up now and we’re planning our next excursion, the baths - James
Here's my takeaway from yesterday, in brief, because my eyes hurt when I look at the light of my phone screen:
  • Party Boats are all Brits abroad
  • The Brits abroad are like Brits in Britain, but worse
  • If you make a joke about needing a triple vodka, the barman will take you literally
  • Australians who did philosophy at university are maybe the worst kind of men
  • The club music was surprisingly good
  • "The stairs are fucking steep"
  • I'm too old for this
  • There were some gorgeous buildings either side of the river
  • Note to self: next time I plan to go to a club, don't
  • Ben did a brief stint on a stripper pole on the party bus
  • I'm too old for this
  • I'm too old for this
- libby

14th June 2023

Update: the fountain is the Danubius Fountain. It was erected in 1883, making it one of the oldest ornate fountains in Budapest, and the four statues on it represent the four rivers that flow through the city. - Libby
Other than the fact it sports a Big Tesco, I was not comforted by my initial impression of Budapest. The train station was dilapidated; flanked by the gutted remnants of old apartments and the carcasses of retired trains, the tracks were littered with jagged scrap metal, debris and the skeletal remains of several Hungarian hopes and dreams. We shouldered our rucksacks and set off for the hostel, which was a half hour walk away. Usually, our walk from station to hostel illustrates the socioeconomic gradient from affluence to poverty in a city. Budapest, however, is different. Whilst the inside of the station was ramshackle, the outside was grandiose and carved from stone; we walked past a gorgeous, ornate church, under the eaves of which several middle-aged men shared a blunt; our hostel is positioned on a dank, unbending street of imposing apartment buildings, but one block over there's a high street that boasts Louis Vuitton and Gucci stores. In short, Budapest is a place of exciting juxtaposition. I was hoping that this would extend to the hostel itself - that is, the inside would contradict the miserable exterior - alas! I know Ben has compared our lodgings to prisons before, but DeeP Guest House truly takes the biscuit. I've outdone myself: the windows are literally barred, the echo-y rooms are airless and bland, the hallways are oppressively narrow, at night every slightest movement is betrayed by the amplifying nature of the high ceilings: you so much as itch a ballsack and someone three rooms over knows about it. Throughout the night I was woken up several times to the gutteral rumbling of what I can only assume was some tortured spirit condemned to haunt the basement for eternity: as I write I find myself thinking fondly of my €7 coffee from yesterday morning, but my DIY vanilla latte in the hostel kitchen will have to suffice. I digress! After dropping off our bags at the hostel, we set off for lunch and an explore: Hungarian McDonalds takes second place in the ranking, now, thanks to the curly fries and Super McFlurry I had, and the humungous burgers the boys got. Personally I think that any burger that can defeat James' appetite deserves to bask in a category of its own. After eating, we wandered along row upon row of high street shops, many of which were set inside very old, carefully sculpted buildings, and finally settled at a beautiful little park. In the shadow of a Ferris Wheel and a water fountain that attracted a lot of attention from tourists (I must remember to Google it) we people-watched for a few hours. Characters of note included a woman grooming her two daughters into performing for TikToks and several guys at the skatepark. It was a lovely, amicable atmosphere, right up until James and I set off to find a toilet and ended up inadvertently scamming a man out of a euro and being yelled at by an elderly Hungarian lady respectively. We ended the day hunting for a late dinner at a Chinese corner shop and collapsing into our beds for a tumultuous night's sleep. This morning we returned to the corner shop for breakfast, rustled up cereal and coffee with soya milk as apparently there's not a single cow in the whole of Hungary, and plan on taking today easy before alighting a party boat this evening! Tomorrow's BeLemon will, I suspect, be an interesting read. - Libby
We arrived in Budapest yesterday afternoon and after a short walk from the train station, checked into our next hostel. I’m not sure if it was a mental institution in a past life, but the long corridors and padded walls really do make this place a special find (thanks Libby).

Today we might go to some baths or just have a walk around. Later on we’re going on a party boat - hopefully we’ll forget where the hostel is on the way back. - Ben

Yesterday was mainly chill, travelled from Vienna to Budapest. I listened to gloryhammer’s new album which slaps. Budapest has a very cool vibe, we chilled out in a park for the afternoon and people watched the skater boys. We also had Hungarian maccies (this is somewhat of a sport for Libby now) which was one of the best yet, all the seating was underground which was v cool. I had a Gustavo burger which was like a Big Mac without the middle bread but with more salad, more meat and a cheese sauce. Our hostel is reminiscent of a liminal space horror game. It’s really echoey and things keep going bump in the night. Pretty sure I heard some sort of Eldritch scream echoing throughout the halls at 2am. But for 550,000,000,000 fonts (ten quid) a night, can’t complain - James

13th June 2023

Yesterday we went to Vienna’s Museum Quarter- it would’ve been impossible to go round everything in a day so we decided on the natural history museum, where I was very fascinated by lots of shiny rocks. I did write a really long description of it but I accidentally deleted it so shiny rocks will do. I also loved the Bronze Age Celtic stuff, you could see how civilisation in Austria and Central Europe progressed all the way from the Neolithic to the Iron Age - the display also had several Venus figurines, some of the oldest know human artifices dating to around 20-30,000 years old! Upstairs there were countless species of (long dead) beatles, butterflies, spiders, lizards, squid, fish, sea creatures I’d never heard of and more in glass cases or preserved in jars. Unfortunately we ran out of time (probably shouldn’t have spent so long on the rocks). Afterwards we took a look at the imperial palace and the Austrian Houses of Parliament and Ben made several comments about Hitler. Unsatisfied with our 9€ lunch from the Museum Cafe (bread roll and a frankfurter), we went for a Chinese buffet which was by far the best thing I’ve eaten here. Weirdly the place was empty so I guess Austrians just have awful taste. Also side note Ben is now addicted to chess, I think I’ve created a monster. Left the hostel this morning and now are on our way into Budapest! Thank god we don’t have to eat any more Austrian food - James
Yesterday we went to the Natural History Museum which I was very, very excited about. It's set in the Museum Quarter which is just about the most James-y place we've been to so far, I think; in his words, it was 'fucking opulent'. What a poet. I was most excited for the mammalian and avian dioramas and the dinosaur exhibits, but in order to gain access to these we had to navigate about 5 rooms featuring a billion rocks of barely differing qualities which is fine in itself but no small task when accompanied by James, a self identified rocker both musically and geologically. Whilst he traversed the rocks at a pace comparable to the top speed of the specimens themselves, Ben played chess on his phone and I set about finding rocks that best represented each of us, the names of which I can't remember now. It made me a little homesick, actually - all the precious gemstones and metals reminded me of my sisters, who believe in all the hippie dippy stuff, especially when James pointed out a massive amethyst and said, "Imagine all the stuff Em could manifest with that!" So I decided I'd get the girls a rock each from the museum later. After the geology section, there was a significant amount of human history - I really liked the chronological layout of the exhibits: it started with metals and rocks, then space, which led to the beginnings of life on earth, followed by the earliest, most primitive of lifeforms (also made me think fondly of my sisters) then the dinosaurs, then Neanderthals and early homosapiens, and then the cafè which was set to be Ben's favourite exhibit. At this point, the dinosaurs had been a highlight for me: I think that going through them with James, and discussing which species we'd ride into theoretical battle, is one of my favourite memories of interrailing so far. The cafè was equally educational, if only in that it consolidated our earlier thesis that Austrian food sucks. The boys spent $10 on a bread roll and a sausage that looked like something you'd pay to have surgically removed from your dog; I had a beef broth with sliced pancake, which was a little odd but quite nice until James reminded me I'd basically paid a fiver for an Oxo cube, at which point it soured considerably. By the time we'd finished lunch we only had an hour or so to visit the upper level of the museum which is where the bulk of the animal exhibits are; I tried to toe the line between seeing as much as possible and reading all the accompanying material but unfortunately we didn't make it through most of the animal exhibits, which I was really sad about if I'm honest. I loved the lepidopterology section though, and was quite proud to see how many of their butterflies and moths I have at home on my bedroom walls (this also made me a little homesick) We made it through most of the herpetology - I loved the wet specimens in particular in this section - and had just made it to the avian section when we were not so politely asked to leave by a security guard. Afterwards, we found a nice sunny spot in the grounds to bask for a moment when James realised we hadn't had time to visit the gift shop (he'd wanted a rock from the museum, too) I went to find a bin and on my way picked up three of the prettiest stones on the ground that I could find. One for Em, one for Eadie, and one for James - technically speaking, they're rocks from the Vienna Natural History Museum, after all. Next stop was the parliament buildings and another palace or something - I can't quite remember if I'm being honest, but I was content to listen to James try and work out the Roman numerals on the front, and an anecdote from Ben about someone he knows being handcuffed to a dwarf indefinitely, which I suspect is how James views his relationship with me sometimes. Dinner was an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet; whilst it wasn't an example of Austrian cuisine, it was amazing - the food came on tiny plates on a conveyor belt, and you had to grab them as they came past. I felt like a grizzly bear swiping at salmon, though ironically I did avoid eating anything that contained raw fish, salmon or otherwise. James tried some sort or coconut milk desert with tapioca balls, and I had tiramisu for the first time (yum) and lots of other little dishes I hadn't had before, so it was cultural in a sense. We had a quiet evening at the hostel; the boys played chess, I completed my crossword, and then we went to sleep. This morning we had to make a speedy departure (we woke up with only a half-hour until checkout) and found ourselves at the final McDonalds of Austria. I had a €7 coffee with four espresso shots and Ben had a burger for breakfast. I'm writing this (contending with very jittery hands) from the train to Budapest. We've about an hour and a half to go. I'm feeling a bit fragile in every sense this morning, so maybe I'll take a leaf out of Em's book: hold some rocks, hope that Budapest is everything we want it to be, and call it Manifestation. I miss my sisters a lot today. Also manifesting that the ramifications of four espresso shots are kind in their consequences. - Libby
I’m not sure why there are so many songs about Vienna if I’m honest. - Ben

12th June 2023

P.S. Did a poo! Sorry Vienna. - undefined
Yesterday we went to the Belvedere palace. After exploring the botanical gardens and shitting myself at the wasps, we ventured into the upper palace which is now an art gallery. I was a big fan of some of the fantastical landscape paintings (‘evil mothers’) and the big famous one of Napoleon looking heroic on a rearing horse - interestingly though this was a propaganda piece, and four copies were made to display in different cities. Other highlights included Klimt’s kiss, a series of busts with weird expressions, some tiny black and white paintings of eyeless people which caught my attention (very gothic) and a portrait of Prince Eugene of Savoy, who had the Belvedere built as his summer palace. He had been raised by King Louis XIV and was groomed for priesthood as the youngest and a somewhat small, skinny boy, but refused and after being expelled from court moved to Vienna, joined the military, and rose through the ranks to become one of the most respected strategists of the time and the field marshal of the Austrian army. He defended Vienna by defeating Napoleon and died peacefully of old age in his bed! What a Chad. Today we’re going to check out the museum quarter, anything to get out of our somewhat questionable hostel - James
Yesterday we became acquainted with the full scope of Viennese society: that is, the Belvedere was beautiful and bursting with high art and priceless pieces that encapsulated and challenged conventions at the time, and our new hostel is, put simply, fucking grim across the board. The carpet squelches, the mattress has a slice gouged out of it, the entire area smells like poo, and the towels came pre-dampened. I enjoyed the art, though, particularly a painting called Le Cattive Madri by Giovanni Segantini and a lot of the pastoral-esque pieces. Health-wise we've been on the ropes a little; James is still a functioning beacon thanks to his sunburn and I credit the plate of beef 'salad' with being able to say I have vomited in a palace commissioned by the Prince Eugene of Savoy. Onwards and upwards, though - last night the boys cooked pesto tortellini, and this morning I did bacon and poached eggs, so we're still bumbling along and geared up for the museum district today. - Libby
Yesterday we checked out the Belvedere, which had a lot of Gustav Klimt’s art on show. Later on we checked into our North Korean prison camp room. Libby really has out done herself booking this place.

Today we are off to see some museums. We have also pencilled in a Chinese buffet for later which I am excited for. - Ben

11th June 2023

Yesterday was basically a write off as we were all so tired from the train, we napped in the park and Libby and Ben payed £800 for a plate of ingredients covered in olive oil (Austrian cuisine apparently), then we checked in and watched Futurama in German dub. Ben and I went on an epic quest for McDonald’s in a thunderstorm (nearly died), the steakhouse special I had was actually better than anything in British maccies, it had hot sauce and cucumber bacon and coleslaw. Feeling better this morning, we’ve wondered around the city a little; it’s fairly quiet and nice, lots of pride rainbows and some the town houses are painted so it’s like a toned down Balamory. Just had an interesting breakfast - a spread of olives, prosciutto, sheep cheese, guacamole, tomatoes and round bread, again with the separate ingredients and oil although this one was quite nice. Next we’re headed to an art museum which should be cool! - James
The rest of yesterday was chill. We checked into our hotel which was very nice, compared with the rest of the ghettos we’ve been sleeping in. We mainly just chilled out watching Futurama and Amercian Dad in German and then went to sleep. We weren’t notified of this question this morning so I may need to look under the hood of the Hey/BeLemon internals and debug at some point today. - Ben
James' sheep cheese distracted me and I lost my whole entry, so this is my second attempt at recapping yesterday and will, therefore, be (perhaps mercifully) shorter than usual. Sheep cheese, by the way, is nice. After yesterday's entry we found a spot for lunch; James had a coffee, Ben and I were, I suspect, hate-crimed. His salad consisted of about three sprigs of rocket and mozzarella comparable in consistency to the fish eyeballs that star on I'm A Celebrity eating trials, whereas my 'salad' was quite literally a plate full of dried ham with oil and a chunk of token parmesan in the middle. Probably it's a culture thing but I'm pretty sure the waiter is still laughing at us. €40 worse off, we headed to our hotel which was very, very nice, and napped for a little while to the dulcet tones of the Simpsons in German. The boys then braved a thunderstorm to hunt for dinner; they returned with the second McDonalds of the day, which starred a chocolate raspberry version of our familiar apple pie and some wedges which secured Austria's second-place ranking in the Interrailing McDonalds Olympics. I've armed myself for today with two more laxatives and a lot of coffee, and am looking forward to wandering around some art museums and getting better acquainted with the actual culture of Vienna. - Libby

10th June 2023

P.S.S libby slid backwards off a lounger which was possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen -James
Yesterday, after debating the pros and cons of exploring Venice with our huge rucksacks and hangovers, we unanimously decided to spend the day at the pool. We swam and napped intermittently, and when it was time to leave, Ben was nicely toasted in colour whereas James and I had chargrilled ourselves. He's managed to burn the back of his legs, whereas I resemble an animated scoop of Neopolitan icecream. Needless to say, between our burned shoulders and the massive weight of our grief at leaving Venice Butlins behind, our rucksacks felt heavier than ever before when we set off for the sleeper train. Which, by the way, is less of a sleeper train and more a glorified tin can. Did it get us where we wanted to go on time? No. Did we sleep? No. Was there anything resembling beds or any other type of sleeping apparatus at our disposal? No. Were James and I sat next to a German-Italian woman with overt flatulance issues? Yes. In conclusion: I hated the sleeper train with every fibre of my being. You might think, then, that our relief at arriving in Vienna would be all-encompassing; that the city would be something of a mirage, a sanctity for us weary travellers. Wrong! We journeyed through hell only to arrive at a place that looked like Birmingham if it was in dire need of an escitalopram. On the plus side, the station boasted a McDonalds, and so we got to sample the menu once more. Paris still remains on top of the leaderboard, but our McToast breakfasts were yum. Not so sure about my 'iced coffee', though, which was in fact a completely warm coffee with a dollop of McFlurry on top, and was sort of reminiscent of raw sewage with styrofoam floating in it. 7/10. We navigated the Metro (Ben's a pro) with little trouble, and dropped our bags off at tonight's hotel, which is lovely. All I want is a shower and a snooze. Check-in is at 2pm, so for the next few hours we've plonked ourselves in a park, which is quite Zurich-esque in that it's clean, open, and very ergonomic. I'm horse-watching - there's lots of carriages clip-clopping past - and James is polishing off the last of yesterday's buffet spoils. Ben is probably still laughing at his own BeLemon entry. - L
Yesterday we had a much needed chilled out day relaxing by the pool which was lovely although despite putting on suncream twice I’ve managed to burn 😭 in the evening we headed back into Venice which looked very cool in golden hour (I’m sure Libby can describe it better, something about sepia tones), and caught the night train to Vienna. The night train was very fun and enjoyable and i got as many as three hours sleep 😀😀😀 (feeling slightly delirious) vienna seems cool so far, I’ll probably describe it better in the next entry when I’m less sore stiff sunburnt mosquito ridden and sleep deprived -James

P.S. not actually that grumpy, I am quite excited for the horse thing and the Mozart thing xx

In the day, yesterday was nice. We spent it by the pool. I am now mixed race, hence getting a better response from the locals compared with James and Libby who have been BNP-White for most of the trip.

Last night on the sleeper train however, was dreadful. When we booked the tickets there were only chairs left which looked okay in the pictures however when it came to it, I was adopted by an Arab family in a very small room. They weren’t terrorists or anything however they did splay everywhere so it wasn’t great. So I just sat upright for 12 hours. I think I maybe got 27 seconds of sleep in total. However this is good experience for the future where if I know the only option is to get a seated sleeper ticket, I will throw a hairdryer in the bath the night before.

Today is just going to be a chill one. We’ve dropped our bags off at the hotel and just going to hang out for a bit before we check in. Looking forward to the next few days in Vienna!

9th June 2023

After a pause to update BeLemon yesterday, we left the courtyard behind and meandered the many streets of Venice. The busier ones were lined with bakeries, restaurants and cafes, the wares of which added about 3 inches to my waistline purely by association, and were flanked by tall, Venetian townhouses adorned with wooden shutters and wisterias that spilled over the many balconies. I loved the colours: rich, rusty, sepia tones set against cool blues and teal. After wandering for some time, we met a very sweet Gondolier; we clambered aboard (not elegantly, though I'd like to think it's because my centre of gravity has been displaced by the massive mass in my lower intestine) and set off at a leisurely pace (again, I'd like to think this was for the purpose of ambience and not because the poor Gondolier was contending with the weight of us three, two Italians, and everything I've eaten in the past week) through the backwaters of Venice. By Gondola, you can access parts of the city that are otherwise impossible to see or reach; we were assured that whilst you no longer need a boat to live in Venice, you do need one to be a Real Venetian. We learned that the art of being a Gondolier is a tradition passed from father to son; that Venice is home to the first ever public school; that it is actually a collection of islands connected by bridges, as opposed to one large island; and that there are over 180 churches in the city. Having sat on our arses for half an hour, we decided it was time for a drink. James had two mojitos, Ben had two Sex On The Beaches, and I had two Margaritas, which were (and did) everything you'd wish of two Margaritas. At this point, the prospect of waiting until 9.30 to get back to Venetian Butlins was a little daunting, so we headed back early, armed with a classy spread of breadsticks, Nutella, and cartons of wine (wine!!!! for ÂŁ1.50!!!!! 11% vol!!!!!) The boys played chess, I washed down a laxative with said carton of wine, and we were all very merry. The morning, however, brought up every bodily fluid except the one we wanted (that is, Ben chundered and I am, apparently, bionic and steadfastly immune to laxatives) and the end of our stay at Venetian Butlins. We packed our bags and I foraged the buffet for the final time (lunch today is croissants, biscuits and cake) and then unanimously decided not a single one of us is in a fit state to do anything today that isn't within waddling distance of a toilet. The night train to Vienna isn't until late this evening, so until then we are sitting tight on a shady bench with pool and chess, and hoping that we get the foul byproducts of yesterday's ingestions out of our systems well before we are condemned to the confines of public transport. - L
Yesterday we explored Venice. We went on a gondola which was very romantic (I sat next to a couple of retired German ladies). James ordered another €8k meal (it did look nice tbf). Then later on we went to the co-op to get some wine. I also finally beat James at chess, the smug dickhead. I woke up feeling pretty motivated and fresh today and am looking forward to see what today brings. We’re on a sleeper train to Vienna later which should be wild. - Ben
Yesterday we explored venice, which was super cool to see; it’s such a unique city. We got a gondola ride (thank you Ben’s dad!) which was definatley the best way to see the city, lazily floating around the quiet back streets away from the tourist packed pathways, we saw canals with no footpaths at all that you can only access by boat. The Gondolier was very interesting as well, but made me feel a little guilty as he talked about how Venice is now basically all tourism and the population has seriously dropped to around 40,000 due to being out priced; there is no industry in the city at all now besides tourism. Afterwards we got drinks and dinner Alfresco at a nice restaurant, I had a mixed seafood grill which, while more than slightly out of my budget, was the best meal of the trip so far for me. In the evening we got drunk and played chess back at Venice Butlins and I kicked Ben’s ass (apart from that one game), and now we’re having a slightly hungover rematch. Gotta get some training in before we go to Budapest as apparently they play chess in the public baths! -James

8th June 2023

Yesterday we arrived in Venice! The outskirts, anyway. We're staying at a sort of Venetian Butlins, in a cabin with a bunk bed. It does have a pool, though, which we took (semi) advantage of in the evening though the water was much, much colder than befitted the climate, which got cloudy immediately after we'd donned our swimming costumes. We ate at the restaurant there too, which was a bit eh, but the table came with a bowl of parmesan which is a custom I'm very passionate about us adopting in the UK. For dessert, Ben and I became embroiled in a vending-machine-money-laundering scandal and then we ambled back to the cabin for a quiet evening; the boys played chess, I watched, and we revelled in the sanctity of Venetian Butlins. The harmony, however, was not to last. Six days of indulgence, three kiwis, pear juice, strawberries, more pear juice, several espressos and all the pent-up wrath of a woman cursed with IBS had yet to make their presence known. I believe it was Alfred Hitchcock who said: "There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it." Efforts to mitigate oncoming disaster all but failed: even James' Poo Playlist did little to aid in what we fervently hoped would be a controlled explosion, sort of like the safe diffusion of a bomb. This morning again: no cigar. On the plus side, I turned my hand to legal kleptomania at the breakfast buffet, and managed to forage enough for a packed lunch for the three of us! We ran for the shuttle bus afterwards and arrived in Venice soon after, which is just as hot and beautiful and bustling as you'd expect an island twenty years from being engulfed by rising sea levels to be. James navigated a Venetian pharmacy for me ('laxative' is a need that transcends all languages and cultures, apparently) and then we headed to a little courtyard park, which is where I'm writing this entry: amongst the sprawling canopies, a rich wealth of culture and ancient monuments, all of which, naturally, lends itself to the documentation of my bowel movements (or lack thereof). Hopefully tomorrow's entry will be less Embarrassing Bodies and more 1879 Robert Louis Stevenson; between my digestive woes, James' torn-up toes (get some new shoes, man!) and Ben's new friend (a mosquito-manufactured growth on his arm) however, I don't hold out much hope. Venice is great though. - Libby
Yesterday we arrived at Venice Butlins and chilled out by the pool for the afternoon. After asserting our dominance over Kyle and Diego (two Brit rugby lads who we didn’t actually speak to) and dipping in the not-so-hot jacuzzi, I attempted to relieve Libby’s constipation situation by playing Enya in the public toilets from the next cubicle, to no avail. This morning we got the bus into Venice and have just grabbed a snack; there seems to be a lot of building work so maybe they’re preparing for when sea levels rise and Venice becomes Atlantis 2.0! -James
After finishing the crepes we headed to the train (seized the gap) en route to to our next destination just outside Venice. I didn’t realise we were visiting a concentration camp this early on in the trip, but to be fair, this one did have a pool. Similarly to a concentration camp, it was very cold and we nearly froze to death over the night due to misconfiguring the air conditioning. This morning we’ve headed off in to Venice to have a look around. James is currently eating a water melon, carefully making sure not to use the hand that he dipped in bird shit. - Ben

7th June 2023

Yesterday was absolutely my favourite day so far! After a quick-ish train journey, we arrived at Como; a patchwork town of russet tones and tiled rooftops, elegant squares and carved stone, nestled in the basin of a great green valley. The lake was spectacular; sparkling and ginormous and alive. We stopped for lunch at a little panini place; the boys had burgers and I had the most fantastic salad of my whole entire life (goat's cheese, lamb's lettuce, oranges, blueberries, cucumber, walnuts) which I will reminisce about fondly for years and years to come, guaranteed. It came with a little brown paper bag (I LOVE brown paper bags!!!) full of fresh bread, which I distributed between James and the cygnets on Lake Como, and then we set off to find a place to swim. On the way, I had a lot of fun getting acquainted with other local wildlife - I spotted vultures, an eagle, green anoles and a dead rat! Transfixed by this safari as I was, we'd perhaps underestimated the circumference of the lake, and after a long (ethereal) walk we decided to abandon our search for a beach and took up residence on a grassy embankment facing the lake instead. Here we sunbathed for a few hours (not that you could tell, I've seen loo roll with a deeper tan than mine) and then ambled off to find gelato, and catch the train back home. En route, James and I occupied ourselves by coming up with as many music-related Como puns as possible. Our personal favourites included: • Como como como como como chameleon • I'm in love with a psychomo • Como cabana • Como and do the loCOMOtion with me • Como as you are • ...You get the gist (sorry Ben) We weren't too hungry in the evening, so we went to the supermarket and bought a little feast: salami, grapes, cheese, breadsticks. We laid it out on a towel on the balcony and it was just lovely, if you overlooked James dunking a strawberry pierced by a breadstick into his yoghurt in lieu of a spoon. Having not done a poo in 5 days, I ate three kiwis (hairless! I could eat the skin!) as well as strawberries and pear juice which, in the cold light of day, is the source of some trepidation for us all. When we were all woken up at 5am by the sound of a booming, ominous rumble, I feared the kiwis were making a dramatic arrival. Fortunately, it was just a thunderstorm - the biggest and loudest I have ever seen. Before bed, James and I had watched the first flashes of lightning flicker behind the city skyline, but by this point the storm was wholly upon us. It lasted hours, during which time we were all intermittently woken up by the crescendo of it all; I'm a little tired now but it was worth it. The city air was much less muggy this morning for it, too. We checked out of the hostel early, then set off to explore the fashion district of Milan for a couple hours: a beautiful book shop, boutiques that undoubtedly operate a 'No Ferrari? No Entry' policy, a gorgeous church, and a chocolate-themed cafe where we stopped for lunch. I had a very expensive coffee (combined with my three kiwis I fear I have become a living biohazard of Incredible Hulk proportions) and Ben and James had crêpes - one with Nutella and strawberries, and one with pistachio cream which was to die for. I must find out how to make that at home! After a mad dash through the central station, we made our train to Venice with seconds to spare, and are now sat on the top floor of a double-decker train (how cool?!). Ben's got his headphones in, James is reading, and I'm wishing I was not atheist and did in fact subscribe to a higher power: if I did, I'd be praying to it with every fibre of my being that today's travels align with a good, clean, unoccupied public bathroom at every stop. - Libby 🥝
Yesterday we went to Lake Como, a fantastic holiday destination I could easily spend a week just chilling. There were old churches and Roman villa type buildings, red titled houses built up into the mountains that surround the lake, we got lunch and I went for a paddle while Libby saw some lizards getting it on. We snoozed on a bank in the sun and got some fantastic Italian ice cream as the sun set, and I learned that Tiramisu is apparently coffee based even though it just tastes like caramel. We then realised we’d spend the entire day lounging and hadn’t actually seen any of Milan (lol) so after a picnic on our balcony at the hotel we planned to get up early the next day and spend the morning in town before our catching our train to Venice; this morning we did just that and saw Duomo cathedral followed by window shopping in a mega posh designer mall - going into Gucci Milan HQ dressed in shorts, sweaty t-shirt and a bumbag would’ve probably earned me an Italian ASBO. We grabbed crepes (I had pistachio sauce) and coffee and had a mad rush to catch the train. Next stop Venice and hopefully a pool -James
Yesterday we went to Lake Como. It was very pretty. For dinner I had some baby bells. It thundered massively last night! ⚡️This morning we’ve gone into central Milan to see some sights before heading off to Venice. We are currently getting pancakes.

6th June 2023

Yesterday was all travel! Highlights included: the mountains (awe-inspiring, very very big, definitely harbouring a couple dragons if not more); James' €25 sushi, an Italian security guard who looked exactly like Harry, a fantastic nap, and our arrival in Milan, of course. We stopped off at Zurich for an hour or so - the city is beautiful, so clean and community-driven, though their ham has bone fragments in it. When we arrived at Milan we were completely exhausted from travelling for 12 hours, so it was a really nice surprise when our room was upgraded for free to one with a shower, a double bed and a balcony by the lovely man who owns the Alba. We went to a shop to stock up on water, then James got a calzone from a takeaway on the street and I decided to investigate Italian McDonalds. I've made it my mission to explore and compare the menus from one in every country we stay at. Whilst Paris Maccies offered goats cheese wraps and the Croque McDo (both fantastic) the Milan McDonalds sold mini pasty things (I forget the name!) filled with tomato and mozzarella (like mini calzones but more dough-y) which were very yum and strange smokey wraps which I didn't like very much, and (the highlight for me) straight up chunks of parmesan!! Today I endeavour to embrace the slightly more traditional aspects of Italian culture, though - we're heading to Lake Como! It'll be nice to spend some time in the countryside; as much as I've been in awe of the grandeur of the cities so far, I'm increasingly aware of the extent to which I'm a country bumpkin at heart. I'm excited! We've also reached the bowel movements stage of our shared delirium. - Libby
Yesterday was a travel day, we train hopped all the way from Paris to Milan. Got to stop off at Zurich for an hour on the way which was very cool to see, it has a totally different vibe - super quiet, very clean and modern, seems like a lovely place to live. Switzerland is expensive as hell though, I got sushi for lunch at a train station for 25 Swiss Francs (£23 ish) 😀😀😀 In my defence there was no price tag and I didn’t want to put it back after I’d got to the till! Next time I will be bringing packed lunch lol. We also got to see the alps from the train which was pretty cool, and Libby kicked my ass at eye spy which I am still not happy about. Currently in Milan, the hotel owner was super nice and upgraded us to a room with a balcony! For dinner I got a massive Calzone for €6 which I was very pleased with and a pistachio McFlurry, I will be petitioning to have those available in the UK - James
Yesterday we went on a lot of trains. It was less daunting and more straightforward than I expected even though we got on about 6/7 trains throughout the day. We stopped off in Zurich to get some lunch - it all seemed a bit very perfect and clean there with everyone looking happy, cycling and playing on a pedestrianised road. The Swiss are hogging all the happiness. James and Libby were also play fighting for most of the train journey which was disgusting. Today we are off to Lake Kokomo Como. - Ben

5th June 2023

The Louvre has been the highlight of the trip so far, the first area we entered was a multi levelled courtyard with renaissance period French statues, and this was all INSIDE one of the wings! Each wing is practically a museum on its own, you can’t possibly see everything in one day. We saw a lot of the objects d’art section, which had crowns swords armour jewellery and furniture, along with entire decorated rooms left as they were when the Louvre was a palace for French royalty. We also saw some of the ancient Mesopotamian/Babylonian artefacts, but didn’t have time for the Egypt Europe or oriental history sections which could easily take another whole day! We also saw some of the paintings wing, including the Mona Lisa, the les miserables one and my personal favourite, a huge battlefield depiction with Napoleon at the centre. Finally, the highlight of the entire Louvre for me was the Ancient Greek and Roman marble statues. I’m not sure why the Venus one is the most famous as it has no arms! I loved the huge Athena statue and Hermaphroditus, Hermes and Aphroditie’s son who was a hermaphrodite (hence the name) which I didn’t know about. Also seeing some genuine statues of Roman emperors including Julius Caesar felt pretty biblical. In the evening we went to an incredible restaurant where I had the best pina colada I’ve ever had. Currently we’re en route to Milan and will be stopping at a few towns along the way, will be cool to get to see some more rural places! -James
We queued for another half an hour after yesterday's entry, and eventually made it through to the Louvre! It was just spectacular, and not in the belittling, overshadowing way that fancy churches make me feel - it was like the building was excited to share its contents with us (over 380,000 pieces!) I particularly loved the period rooms (interior design inspo for when I win the lottery! Note to self: walnut and velvet screams I'M RICHER AND HAPPIER AND BETTER THAN EVERYONE) and the Ancient Greek section, particularly all the homages to Aphrodite, Artemis and Athena. The way the sculptors managed to capture their soft femininity in a medium as unforgiving as stone is just unbelievable - especially in the statues where the marble has been carved in such a way as to give the impression of wet silk clinging to their frames. Another highlight was seeing Liberty Leading The People by Delacroix in person - set against the grandeur of the Louvre it was especially poignant, and I've had the Les Mis soundtrack playing nonstop in my head ever since. We barely scratched the surface of the Louvre within the first two hours; Ben and I adopted a slightly less in-depth method of exploration, whereas James takes a far more focused approach and spent a lot longer reading all the placards and signposts. I think my mind would explode with all of that information but he's holding up so far. Saying that, we did lose count of how many stone penises we came across at the Louvre, and James has been ambling the streets of Paris wearing sanitary towels on the soles of his feet for the last 24 hours, so maybe we are all cracking up. For dinner we pursued escargot in vain, but ended up at a really beautiful French-Italian restaurant on a table facing a park and a busy Parisian side street. If I went into detail about quite how delicious my pizza was (prosciutto and basil and mushroom) the description would be very reminiscent of an E. L. James excerpt so I will refrain; James and Ben seemed equally enamoured with their food, particularly their pina coladas! Happy and full and warm and content, we took a detour to a little independent corner shop on the way home to pick up breakfast and water, then collapsed into our beds. Arranging trains and hostels has been the source of some anxiety but we woke up at 5.30am without too much anguish (on my part at least - one of my travel companions is a big baby xox) and made the right train at the right time! We're on the road (tracks?) for the next 8-ish hours, but we're taking advantage of the time on our backsides to book future hostels and trains. The French countryside is beautiful, Milan is on the horizon, and as long as we can forage some lunch within the next hour I'm optimistic we'll make it to Italy all in one piece. - Libby
Yesterday was very culture filled - we didn’t go to McDonald’s. The line for the Louve seemed to go a bit quicker after the last BeLemon update so we got in there soon after. The Louve is tres big. James got his monies worth looking at all 300k+ exhibits spending an hour on each. A highlight for me was a greyhound sculpture! After we left the museum we went to get some traditional French food from a really old looking restaurant my cousin had recommended. That was full so then we went to an Italian which was alright. We had to get up early this morning to catch one of the 83 trains to Milan we’ll be getting in today. I have downloaded ‘White Chicks’ so should be good. - Ben

4th June 2023

Yesterday we did a lot of walking around the city and saw some wild sights. Such as the Eiffel Tower, the Notre Deme, an English themed pub, and the Pantheon. We also went to a McDonald’s where the UI/UX on the order screens was terrible. But they did chocolate sundaes so it was a good result. James didn’t stand in any more dog poo on the way back which was good too. We’re now queuing for the Louvre which is taking forever, so Libby is passing the time by saying how she’d change all the surrounding buildings if she moved in. For example, changing all the faces on the statues to be pictures of herself. The glass entrance also looks a bit Morrisons inspired. - Ben
We did end up visiting Notre Dame (Dame with an E! It's a lady, not a water gate!) and also Pantheon, both of which were very beautiful - I was as entertained by the architecture as I was by James' face when he stared at it all, he sort of resembles Puss In Boots when his eyes go really really wide. At Notre Dame the boys had brie baguettes which looked fantastic and then we set off for the Eiffel Tower! The walk was very, very long - we did over 20km over the day - but so worth it; we got to traverse street upon street, and every single one had something beautiful or interesting to point out. There was a protest, too - lots of people waving Cameroon (?) flags. We eventually arrived at the Eiffel Tower (I spotted it first! Woop!) and explored the surrounding park, before finding a shady spot beneath it to rest and read (I started The Vegetarian by Han Kang - c'est très cool!) It was all so lovely - not just the tower, but the park and people surrounding it. There was a hen do, children's parties, lots of dogs, all lively and happy and warm. Heartwarming though that is, however, we were absolutely knackered and you couldn't have persuaded any of us to do that walk again if you'd promised us a Toby Carvery back at the hostel. So, a 45 minute metro journey later, we were in pyjamas and napping in our beds. We had planned on going to a bar or something similar in the evening but we ended up at a corner shop amassing water and biscuits instead, which felt like a fitting end to a long, but action-packed day! I write this entry from outside the Louvre, which is busy and beautiful and the catalyst for a new game James and I - cultured as we are - have coined for today specifically: ✨Who Can Count The Most Stone Penises✨ Will come back with official numbers on that front tomorrow!
Yesterday we walked 20km around Paris and saw Notre Dame, the Pantheon, Hotel villie, Palace de la Bastion, the Eiffel tower and a bunch more beautiful churches and 18th century buildings and townhouses. I can’t believe the size of the City, seems likes there’s endless seven story limestone townhouses with balconies and roof gardens; I’m very inspired for some Minecraft builds! Notre Dame was cool but most of it is still covered in scaffolding and under repair, the Pantheon was incredible. We’ve just arrived at the Louvre and there’s a two hour queue but that gives us two hours to look at the building, it’s unbelievably huge and every inch is covered in carvings, statues cherubs and decorative pillars. Praying we make it inside!

3rd June 2023

I was really nervous before we set off, and the chaos of St Pancras did little to quell my fears (neither did the glass of rosè which cost £6.60, nor the 240 cigarettes I accidentally bought for £57) Once on board the Eurostar though things fell into place a little more! We were surprised by how soon into the journey we arrived in France, and how reminiscent the landscape was of literally anywhere in England, but it was exciting nonetheless and my bag wasn't stolen! From the Eurostar we had fun navigating the Metro (illegally?) and then had a pretty nerve-wracking trek through the slums of Paris (jk?) to the hostel! It felt a little bit like the pilot episode of Orange Is The New Black but it's self-contained and the beds are pretty comfy. You can get entire burgers, salads, and curries from vending machines here! The toilets flush themselves upon opening/closing the cubicle doors (cool - but did scare the pee out of me the first time) and the showers would be great if I was 3 foot taller and had a third arm with which to hold the tap 'on' with. It was like a freaky yoga sesh! Ben assures me this is relative luxury compared to our next stop, though. He forgot a towel and is going to steal one from the hostel. This morning I woke up first, around 8am I think, and we planned the day. So far we've had croissants, an espresso, James has stepped in a massive shit, and seen someone say 'ooh la la' for real so we're fully immersed in French culture by now I'd say. Off to see Notre Dam now and then the Eiffel Tower and maybe the Louvre but we might save that for tomorrow, as we're walking and the boys chickened out of a run this morning so their stamina is clearly running low. They're taking the piss out of how much I'm writing now so gonna sign off. SLEUUGH. 🤌🏻 - Libby
It went pretty well! The Eurostar was comfy and it seemed like we got to Paris quite quick. Hostel is nicer than I thought it would be. Had a pan au chocolate and OJ this morning in a cafe. James also stood in a massive dog shit and nearly slid over! Overall, a good start to the trip. - Ben
Travel was stressful but we got the hang of it pretty quick! I ordered breakfast at a cafe in French successfully😎 currently we’re walking to Notre dam which is v exciting but a bit sad that it’s covered in scaffolding :( loving the wooden shutters and balconies on all the town houses so I think the proper architecture is gonna be insane!